A mutant version of myself X

Holy mother of craziness. I am no longer myself and a mutant version juiced up on extra estrogen has taken over my body and turned me into a weeping, whinging, unhappy, angry version of Aroha.

All I can see is all that is wrong in the world and not what is right. It is like an out of body experience that I can’t control….

That was me four weeks ago. Why was I juiced up on estrogen you may ask? Well we decided that I would start taking the contraceptive pill for this trip in Brazil to be safe and not to fall pregnant. I had been here not even three weeks and a darkness descended over me like a thunderstorm on a sunny day.

It was horrible and it was dark and all I can say is that in reflection my heart warms with an intense gratitude towards Wagi for holding us so strong through those days.

Of course I know it didn’t help with me suffering an intense case of homesickness at the same time. Or maybe the hormones brought on the homesickness and all compounded…. Either way it was shit. So as you can understand we came off the pill and I will look at another form of contraception for my short trip back to NZ.

We have had two miscarriages since we have been doing long distance, both times on my return from trips from Brazil. One in 2014 and one in 2015 and that is also pretty horrible to go through without your partner to physically be by your side to help you through the emotions. But we got through it and as always we survived but we don’t a repeat of those times again so we are trying to err on the side of caution. All that being said the Pill did not work for us.

A way enough said.

Te Amo XX

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